Who wears the pants in your family? Before you get too excited you might want to read this whole post first. It might make you mad, make you pat yourself on the back, fire you up, or even cause you to click on the back button and get off this website. My hope is that this topic will challenge you to put on your big boy pants and step into leadership one leg at a time.
Stepping Into Leadership One Leg at a Time
We’ve all heard the term “who wears the pants?” It of course refers to who is in charge in your household. That’s the question I’m asking but I’m not talking about…
- Who decides where or what you’re going to eat?
- How you’re gonna spend your money?
- Or even what type of discipline you’re gonna use for the children?
The real question here is who is the spiritual leader in your house?
A house divided cannot stand.
I think marriage is a partnership. I believe the best possible scenario is one in which the couple is equally yoked. They pull together heading in the same direction. The term “equally yoked” is an interesting one. Sometimes it’s hard to think of yourself in a livestock way. I generally don’t look in the mirror and think OX. My wife might look at me and think MULE. I am pretty stubborn after all.
The Bible uses the term equally yoked because at the time most people were quite familiar with yoking or connecting animals together to work. This work could be in the fields to provide sustenance or pulling a wagon to get the family where they need to go. If a team of oxen were unequally yoked it was extremely hard to stay straight. They would either fight against each other and go all over the place or one ox would take complete control and the other would just follow and they would go around in circles (the first crop circles).
Neither of those situations would get the job done the best way possible.
The ideal Leadership team is to equally pull together in the same direction.
It’s the same way spiritually in our homes. If we’re not pulling together we end up all over the place or we’re going around in circles not getting anywhere. Praying together as a couple is the thing that will strengthen you the most.
The perfect team of oxen pulls together but one of them is the leader.
It’s important to have one of the partners who can take the lead when needed. Usually with animals, one often has a dominant personality. We sometimes refer to them as the alpha male or alpha female. Scientists aren’t sure why but some animals are just born with an innate sense of leadership.
I believe God made them that way because He knows that in order to survive you need someone in charge.
- Someone to settle disputes.
- To make the final decision if necessary.
- And to stand in front if a predator is endangering the others.
The herds, packs, or pairs that not only survive but thrive are the ones that have strong leaders. Leaders that don’t hesitate or shirk their responsibilities.
Men, we should Step into Leadership of our homes.
If we want our families to survive and thrive we must take the lead in the spiritual journeys our families are traveling. I believe God intended us to be the Alpha males in our households. The one that leads and protects.
There is a predator out there that wants to take your family down!
Are you the one that’s going to fight him off or are you going to make your wife do it?
Here is the challenge.
Now some of us are natural leaders and some of us are not. Whether we were born that way or our environment has shaped us the way we are is irrelevant. God intended us to take the lead spiritually in our families. Unfortunately we live in a society that has seen the spiritual leadership role all too often come to rest on Mom’s shoulders. Dad’s are too busy “making a living” to assume their God ordained position as spiritual head of the household.
“Making a living” may be the death of us. Josey Wales said “Dying ain’t much of a living, boy”.
I think that in most situations where the wife has taken the spiritual leadership position, it’s because she had to not wanted to.
That protective mother instinct has driven her to guard her family by making sure chasing God is happening in her home. So while Dad is sitting in his recliner watching the game she is leading bedtime prayers and devotions. If that’s the situation, she’s fighting off the predators alone.
Are we gonna let that happen?
That’s my challenge to you and to me.
Are we going to put on our “big boy pants” and step up and be the spiritual leader or not?
Stepping into leadership doesn’t happen all at once. Just like putting on your jeans we have to do it one leg at a time. Here are some instructions for putting on your spiritual big boy pants.
- Admit that the responsibility is yours
- Determine that you are going to do something about it
- Make a starting plan that will work for your family (bedtime prayers, blessing as you leave the home, family devotion night, going to church as a family)
- Have someone that holds you accountable. (not your wife, or you will later blame her for nagging at you). Find a freind or pastor that will check with you each week to see if you completed your goals.
I’m blessed to be married to a God chaser.
The challenge for me is to try and run faster than her. It’s kind of like racing against someone who is naturally faster than you. You gotta dig deep if you’re gonna keep up. I need to tap into my competitive nature and see if I can push myself a little harder. My parents had a friendly competition to see who could get closer to God. The end result was that they both achieved their goal of becoming stronger christians.
If I’m going to outrun Madaline or even keep up I can’t make excuses.
I just gotta do it. What’s your challenge?
I’d appreciate your comments and/or feedback.
One leg at a time,